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Skrevet d. 05-11-2009 10:45
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The 10 Most Important People in a Woman's Life


1. The doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes"

2. The dentist because he says, "Open Wide"

3. The hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or
blown"

4. The milkman because he says, "Do you want it in the front or in
back?"

5. The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you have it all in,
you'll love it!"

6. The banker because he says,"If you take it out too soon, you'll
lose interest"

7. The police officer because he says, "Spread 'em"

8. The mailman because he always delivers his package.

9. The pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.

10. The hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice
and always eats what he shoots.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


The perfect man

THE PERFECT MAN IS GENTLE
NEVER CRUEL OR MEAN
HE HAS A BEAUTIFUL SMILE
AND KEEPS HIS FACE SO CLEAN.
THE PERFECT MAN LIKES CHILDREN
AND WILL RAISE THEM BY YOUR SIDE
HE WILL BE A GOOD FATHER
AS WELL AS A GOOD HUSBAND TO HIS BRIDE.
THE PERFECT MAN LOVES COOKING
CLEANING AND VACUUMING TOO
HE'LL DO ANYTHING IN HIS POWER
TO CONVEY HIS FEELINGS OF LOVE ON TO YOU
THE PERFECT MAN IS SWEET
WRITING POETRY FROM YOUR NAME
HE'S A BEST FRIEND TO YOUR MOTHER
AND KISSES AWAY YOUR PAIN.
HE NEVER HAS MADE YOU CRY
OR BATTERED YOU IN ANY WAY
TO HELL WITH THIS ENDLESS POEM....

THE PERFECT MAN IS GAY.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Men are like...

Men are like.....Floor tile.
Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for a
lifetime.

Men are like.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.

Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.

Men are like....Parking spots.
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.

Men are like.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Men are like.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Men are like....Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

The Five Secrets To A Great Relationship

1. It is important to find a man who works around the house,
occasionally cooks and cleans and who has a job.

2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.

3. It is important to find a man who is dependable, respectful and
doesn't lie.

4. It is important to find a man who's good in bed and who loves to
have sex with you.

5. It is important that these four men never meet.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Long Time Without Sex

One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin.

"How did I gethere, Mommy?" she asks.

Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you,
Honey."

"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, Sweetheart,
he did."

"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"

"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."

The child shakes her head in disbelief.

"Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over
200 years?

No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"


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